quitting nicotine vs. starting a business
the smokers who quit aren't the ones with the most self-control. neither are the founders who last.
here’s the youtube version if you prefer video (or continue reading below):
i was 15 when i took up smoking, i was 29 when i quit.
building a business has the same psychological shape as fighting nicotine addiction.
october of this year will be 4 years since i got clean. i didn’t know it at the time, but the mental machinery that kept me lighting up was about to show up in my work, too.
the mindset shifts. the mental battles. the lies we tell ourselves - they’re all identical. it’s a weird parallel, but hear me out, because i’ve done both.
in october 2022, i sat in my apartment in japan and lit what i decided would be my final cigarette. i had just finished allen carr’s “the easy way to stop smoking.” my brain was broken after that. because for the first time, it wasn’t telling me to power through the withdrawal. frankly, it explicitly said smoke as you go. don’t quit until you finish reading the whole book.
that immediately took the pressure off, because every other piece of advice would tell me to quit straight away. but this one, i had the freedom to explore it and see if it was “for me.” you can already see how much i used to trick myself into believing this process was complicated. it wasn’t.
that book was refreshing because all the advice i’d consumed up to that point was always, “stop smoking today because you can get sick and die from that,” and i always thought, “no shit, you think i don’t already know that? so why do i keep doing it then?”
interestingly, that book asked me to do something stranger: to stop believing that the cigarette is helping me.
that specific mental shift alone made it really stick.
it made me think, huh, i’d convinced myself all these years that smoking helped with the stress. it helped me cope. it made me feel better in my depression. but the book said, you can’t “give up” smoking because there’s nothing to “give up.” poison isn’t something your body needs. so what’re you giving up? flip that: you gave up your health the day you lit your first cigarette.
willpower and discipline can only take you so far. somehow, you need to tinker the gears of your brain to change your perspective. that’s what i did in 2022.
four years later, i’m co-running a two-person production studio with my partner. and every single day, the same mental shifts that got me through nicotine withdrawal are what keep the business from eating me alive.
here they are.
1. willpower is a band-aid fix
i grew up believing that pushing through the pain was the ultimate route to success. motivation, self-control, depriving yourself of the thing you want to quit. that was the formula. i am who i am today because of it, but from where i stand now, i see where it falls apart.
willpower is a finite resource. it runs out. and when it does, you’re back to square one. the smokers who quit permanently aren’t the ones with the strongest self-control. they’re the ones who stopped wanting to smoke. period.
the book’s reframe was simple: you think cigarettes are helping you cope with stress, but they’re actually a depressant dragging your energy down in the background. the moment you genuinely believe that, you stop needing willpower. you just stop.
business works the same way.
founders, ceos, business owners burn out for the same reason smokers relapse. they keep pushing through the pain, forcing themselves to show up. to hustle. to grind. treating discipline like a muscle they need to flex harder. that way of thinking is flawed.
the ones who last aren’t the ones with the most grit. they’re the ones who stopped believing hustle leads to lasting progress. they build because they genuinely want the life on the other side, instead of simply powering through another 13-hour day.
we cling to toxic business habits because we think they’re helping us. the 24/7 founder. the always-on mentality. chasing algorithmic ghosts. we tell ourselves these are the price of success. they’re not. they’re depressants - dragging us down in the background, the same way nicotine does.
same lie, different package. this is why i despise the 24/7 founder myth.
2. nobody’s gonna take the cigarette out of your mouth
nobody’s going to save you. there’s a moment in every quitting journey where you realize no one’s gonna take the damn cigarette out of your mouth. no one’s coming to save you, you have to save yourself. i hit that moment in 2022. i made a vow, lit my last cigarette, and meant it.
when you leave the 9-to-5 to start your own thing, you encounter the exact same void. no boss patting you on the back. performance reviews are gone. no more monthly salary regardless of whether you showed up as your best self or a soulless version you don’t recognize. it’s up to you, how much do you really want it?
this is the paradox of freedom. the deafening quiet. the phantom boss. we crave autonomy, we dream of it. yet when it arrives, it’s heavier than what we want it to be. too much freedom paralyzes you but what’re you gonna do? guess what? you’re on your own (kid). nobody warns you that freedom feels like a weight pressing on your chest at 3am.
but it’s okay, stay there. and recognize that the silence is also the first time you can finally, genuinely hear your own voice.
see, in both worlds, the same door opens. on the one hand there’s terror, on the other there’s agency. nobody’s coming to save you isn’t necessarily tragic. it’s the prerequisite for building the life you truly want to live, and the work you truly want to do.
3. your brain runs on an infinite excuse loop
it spits out excuses faster than your logic can catch up.
i was the master of excuses. i used my “intelligence” to rationalize staying stuck in a dark hole: smoking my anxieties away, drowning in alcohol for temporary bliss. why? because i was smart enough to defend my own destruction. i can talk myself out of things and believe that i’m always right. and you know what? the moment you think you’re always right is the moment you derail your own growth.
if i’m smart enough to justify staying stuck, i’m smart enough to plan or architect my way out. you can’t change your brain, but you can use it differently.
we love doing this in business too. when things get hard, you rationalize why it was doomed to fail from the start. you come up with reasons you should just give up. you panic-hunt for jobs and justify doing something for the money. you shrink the vision to something that feels more reachable, something safer. you tell yourself, “i’ll just do this one small thing first” before you truly commit to go all in.
because it’s easier, it’s way simpler than admitting that when you dive in, it’s actually not fun at all. at least not all the time. you’ll have to learn how to ride the ebbs and flows: one day you’re signing a $6k project, the next you’re facing rejections left and right. things are messy and hard and it’ll drive you insane. that’s why it’s not for everyone. but if you can stay? if you can control the mental gymnastics midway and put in the work to redirect them? you’re already ahead of everyone else, trust me, you will make it.
remember: the same brain that comes up with excuses and reasons to give up, is the same brain that can easily come up with more reasons to stay for the long-haul.
study what it’s already doing, then point it toward facing what’s scary, instead of running away.
4. stop feeding the addiction
you’re feeding the addiction, and you’re too stubborn to admit it. you let it take control, you keep coming back for more. keep smoking to relieve stress, keep drinking to feel better. the more you believe it’s helping, the tighter you cling.
hustle culture is no different, and you’re feeding it the same way. you trade more hours, give more output, produce more content. there’s always more to do, and it never tells you to stop. so you keep going. because it makes you feel guilty when you dare slow down. after all, why drop the addiction if you need it that much?
can you see the pattern? both of these feed on your desperation. you’re desperate to feel better, you cling to the short-term “satisfaction” that cigarettes and alcohol give. you’re so desperate to succeed you cling to hustling to feel productive.
it’s counterintuitive, but if you want to be free from both, step away. stop feeding the addiction. it’ll feel like you’re falling behind, but it’s actually the secret to staying in the game.
this month, lana and i hit a wall. we were both physically and mentally exhausted. the emotional toll of the content creation loop caught up. when this happened, the old 9-to-5 script (the addiction script) was at its loudest. it demanded we push through, numb the pain with more work, because “success doesn’t fall from the sky while you rest”.
guess what? we did the most “irresponsible” thing, we halted work completely. we stepped away from creating more content. and it was the best decision we made this season.
every cigarette you don’t smoke is another bright day for your future self, who wakes up without a trace of depressant in their blood. every day you choose to rest is the same deposit to the future life you’re building.
we chose to feed our desperation to rest over the desperation to succeed fast. we chose to take our time, we chose our bedrock.
5. the point is to live
i don’t graduate from being an ex-smoker. i won’t ever be labeled a “non-smoker”. that was the choice i made every day for 15 years. it was a huge part of my identity.
but for the past four years, i’ve been getting out of bed deciding not to have a cigarette with my coffee. some days i remember how i used to start my day with nicotine, other days i forget that i even used to live that way. the memories come back, the temptation resurfaces, but each day i choose to be the ex-smoker. it’s not a battle i fight anymore, it’s just a choice i make daily.
it’s the same in business. you don’t arrive as a founder, a ceo, a business owner. it’s a choice you keep choosing every day. reaching out to prospects who can ignore you, writing content that people might not read, filming videos that may not please the algorithm. dreaming up ideas that might never see the light of day. you battle with uncertainty, you remember the predictability of the 9-to-5.
but i own being a leader day in and day out. because i was always meant to leave the comforts of the classroom. i was meant to embrace the chaos of starting something from scratch, with nothing but raw belief that it might inspire someone to do the same.
both of these identities are maintained through daily recommitment. and there is no finish line. people look at building a business with a deadline. “in 5 years this will be successful and i will be rich”. then they burn themselves out trying to reach that arbitrary goal.
but that’s not the point. there is no finish line.
endurance is a shallow goal. making peace with the fact that there is no end is the secret.
the whole point is to live.
four years ago, in my japanese apartment, i lit my last cigarette.
four years later, in my tiny apartment back home, i launched yōso studio.
one of them is an addiction i cannot recover from-
and i will feed it to my last breath.
stay soulful,
jo from 要素 yōso studio
